Wednesday, February 24, 2010
♥ funeral.
blogger is giving me a run for my money.
i've written several beautiful posts, and it has decided to delete them. whatever.
i am stressed beyond belief. i want to bang my head against a wall and kick myself repeatedly until i go numb. basically, i want to kick my own ass. and no, this isn't because blogger deleted my beautifully written entries.
i feel so unmotivated lately on top of all this. my dreams keep me up at night, i wake up feeling like i have this huge hole in my chest. i literally feel like someone punched me, and i wake up screaming. what is this?
life lesson number one: don't run away from your problems. face them head on, like a man. trust me, dodging them is far worse then taking it to the face. this feeling of dread is constantly hanging over me. i don't understand it.
i feel like a living brand new song. painfully beautiful yet desperately pained. does that make sense? no, i'm not saying i think i'm beautiful either. i paint this picture of ease. yes, i do love life, and i try to see the best in everything but sometimes the past just can't stay in the past. it peeks its ugly head out when it's feeling lonely and ignored. i refuse to let my feeling get the best of me. i control me, not my feelings. life is too short to live in regret and hatered. but lately i can't help but feel this way.
i don't make any sense. i usually don't. i don't expect people to understand anyways. i'm not writing to evoke some sort of sympothy from anyone either. see, writing this has made me feel better already.
i understand and accept the fact that i don't "fit" in but sometimes, acceptance is what makes us human. the feeling of belongingness. yes, that's what makes us human. but today, i feel very unhuman.
i think of you, and feel less then human. i hope you're happy.
i've written several beautiful posts, and it has decided to delete them. whatever.
i am stressed beyond belief. i want to bang my head against a wall and kick myself repeatedly until i go numb. basically, i want to kick my own ass. and no, this isn't because blogger deleted my beautifully written entries.
i feel so unmotivated lately on top of all this. my dreams keep me up at night, i wake up feeling like i have this huge hole in my chest. i literally feel like someone punched me, and i wake up screaming. what is this?
life lesson number one: don't run away from your problems. face them head on, like a man. trust me, dodging them is far worse then taking it to the face. this feeling of dread is constantly hanging over me. i don't understand it.
i feel like a living brand new song. painfully beautiful yet desperately pained. does that make sense? no, i'm not saying i think i'm beautiful either. i paint this picture of ease. yes, i do love life, and i try to see the best in everything but sometimes the past just can't stay in the past. it peeks its ugly head out when it's feeling lonely and ignored. i refuse to let my feeling get the best of me. i control me, not my feelings. life is too short to live in regret and hatered. but lately i can't help but feel this way.
i don't make any sense. i usually don't. i don't expect people to understand anyways. i'm not writing to evoke some sort of sympothy from anyone either. see, writing this has made me feel better already.
i understand and accept the fact that i don't "fit" in but sometimes, acceptance is what makes us human. the feeling of belongingness. yes, that's what makes us human. but today, i feel very unhuman.
i think of you, and feel less then human. i hope you're happy.
1:32 PM
